Picture Perfect

Since Noah has been born and even before than I have always loved taking pictures. Now of course I loved taking pictures of everything around me buuuut my absolute favorite picture? A selfie of course, that is before Noah was born.

Before Noah was born I'd take pictures of myself probably every day lol you could say I MIGHT have been a tad bit coneited. Funny thing is that while I loved my face so much there were other parts of me i didn't love, even back then.

14 years old

16 years old

17 years old

18 years old

Now by looking at the pictures above you can all clearly see that I was not fat, but if back then you had asked me what I thought I looked like....I'd say "huge." I didn't know it but now looking back on it I had a serious case of body dysmorphia and battled a eating disorder or two because of it. After stressful times or extremely hard moments in life I'd throw up or starve myself for a week, It wasn't pretty. But why? I clearly wasn't fat but that's just not how it looked in my eyes.

Things have changed drastically since then. Since getting pregnant and being ok with my body while pregnant the eating disorders were gone because suddenly it was acceptable to look the way I looked in my head. I am so beyond glad for that no one will ever truly understand. But eventually the big belly couldn't be excused by an "oh there's a big baby in there." and a smile because now the baby was out. Since having Noah I have struggled so much with my weight. It takes so much of me to not quit breastfeeding so that I can simply go to my old ways and take the weight off....every day...it's my struggle and it's hard. But this time I'm determined to do it the right way and I have Noah and breastfeeding to thank for that. It's not going to be easy but I'm determined to be happier in my skin and to actually feel picture perfect and not mind pictures and videos with my son.

I'm getting back into serious workout mode and healthy eating. I'm only drinking water and working out 5 days a week. I'm going to try with my all to make this work. 

I will be back in a month with an update and weigh in, whether positive or negative but thoughts and prayers that it's positive! (:

To many more posts of mile stones and life changing moments,

                                                             xoxo Sebi