19 and mommy and student and business owner

Its late here, it's about 1am and I cannot sleep so I figured I'd blog while I've got the time, since you know it's a little hard to find enough time in the day to do something for myself but I'm making it right now.

I'm not exactly sure why but it's been on my mind a lot lately everything that's been going on in my life and my upcoming 20th birthday. Maybe it's because I've been so crazy busy or just because it's life and sometimes it gets hard but either way sometimes it weighs me down.

I got pregnant 3 months after my 18th birthday, and soon after finding out I was pregnant I did something I'm not so proud of, and that was dropping out of school. I like to blame that decision on my mom because she gave me the not so helpful advice to drop out but in reality it was all me. I was embarrassed by my situation. It was definitely not ever in my plans to be a young mom, in fact I used to ask myself how girls ever put themselves in that position in the first place. But then it was me and i was ashamed and in the process of filling out applications to go to school in Tennessee. Finding out I was pregnant crushed me. But in the end it all turned into something positive. I took my GED and passed with flying colors and am now currently a college student at UHD and pursuing my career in social work and have a beautiful baby boy, my biggest blessing of all.

Now fast forward 10 months and we are in my life right now. I absolutely adore being a mom. It has changed me so much and without a doubt for the better. I used to live so selfishly but being a mom changes that, I don't have a choice but to live selflessly, and for that I couldn't be more grateful. But that doesn't mean it doesn't all get to me sometimes. We are currently living on our own. Just Noah, Joel, and I. While I absolutely love this situation it gets hard sometimes, and I know that's life but it's taken some adjusting. Even just for the little things like cleaning up the whole apartment, something I didn't think would be such a big deal, until it became trying to clean up the apartment with a fussy baby and a ridiculous amount of homework and work emails to get back to. Sometimes I'm a mess and just thankful I made it out of the bedroom that day.

I don't know what it's like to be a mom at 25 or 30, so I can't tell you if my situation is harder or easier, or different, because I truly don't know. What I can say is that my situation is hard and I'm one of the lucky ones. Me and the father of my child are still together, we are both college students still chasing the dreams we always had, and running a business together, and live on our own. Those are real blessings and we are so fortunate to have them, I never let myself forget that. But that doesn't mean it doesn't get hard sometimes. That doesn't mean we don't struggle. It doesn't mean that I never want to break down and have myself a good cry, because sometimes I do.

Sometimes it's really hard, sometimes it gets to me. Sometimes I feel like my world is closing in. Being 19, a mommy, a student, and a business owner gets tricky, but I wouldn't change a thing about it. I wouldn't go back and change anything. Sometimes I'm a wreck but I can tell you some day it will all be worth it.

To many more posts of milestones and life changing moment,
                                                             xoxo Sebi